Tears on tape
0Bad day today.. who turned out even worse.
Woke up after 5 hours sleep. ( Everyone who knows me, know that I need more than 5 fucking hours of sleep!)
Well anyhow I got up from my cuddling with my kakashi pillow.. after a couple of minutes of struggling..
I really wanted to fall back to sleep. <.<
I got a visit from my mother and my stepfather, havent seen them in ages!
We talked about my progress on my psych meetings, and my plans on my "work" thing.
We had dinner at the chinese restaurant here in town, and mom was like *rolls eyes* "why do you allways have to eat with chop sticks? you are better than me.."
I felt so proud when she said that :D
The sad part is that we talked about our relationship, me & my mom started to "know" eachother when i was 14, and we spoke about it.. and when I said how i felt about my time without her, she started to cry IN THE RESTURANT!!!... Im a bad daughter..TT_TT
The way she spoke about how bad she felt when she abandoned me at age 5 and how she couldnt stand facing me, it sounds painful, but i didnt even shed one tear! it felt like i didnt care.
I was so cold and emotionless..
I had to put on a fake smile and act like everything is all good with me.
she even asked if I was self-destructive again, I lied... I couldnt stand showing her my new scars on my leg.
It feels like she is just a woman who gave birth to me, I dont even know her to be honest.
We spend a couple of hours together, I hate that akward feeling when they talk about me like im not there.. And it allways sounds like they are scolding me.
I should be happy right, that she comes visiting me?
But I didnt even felt any joy..
Im gonna escape the world now..
Sayonara /Emie